i elfed myself

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1175993714

this website has become what i love most about christmas!

Tuesday with Abner and Cole

It's tuesday. Not a bad one for once. Just quiet. I'm going on my 3rd week of not working. Though getting slightly restless, i can't say i'm in any hurry to get back into an architecture office. I've been doing a lot of thinking, as one has time to let their mind wonder aimlessly when it isn't overwhelmed with scupper details and RFI's. I've decided i have to do something else....what that something else is i haven't figured out yet. So in the meantime i've been snapping pictures of my constant companions, Cole and Abner who have been keeping me company on my "vacation". I've always wondered what these two do all day at home...i've found for the most part they lay in front of this door and stare outside. So i thought to myself, well i should let them outside, they must be dying to get out there. They want back in like 5 minutes after being in the backyard. I guess the grass IS always greener.

I said i would do better... but i'm not

My dear friend alison has renewed my interest in my blog....again. She sent me a not this morning saying she'd stopped by my blog and read, not new posts, but new to her. Anyways, i again realized i'd been slacking and needed to get back on the horse. I have to finish my yogurt right now...but there will be more to come...i assure you.

01.23.07

Today is the 14th year in a row my brother's birthday has passed with him not on this planet. It totally sucks. I really don't know how else to put it. And i don't care what people say, it never gets easier. It still strikes me when i least expect it...it feels like a punch in the stomach and it takes my breath away. I actually feel like i am unable to breath it still hurts so much sometimes. Other times, i can think of him fondly and miss him, and it's ok. I don't know why it's like that, why there are good days and bad. I will never ever feel whole again as long as i live. It sounds so cliche but there is a void in my life that i try to fill constantly and i know it will always be empty. I don't know how to live in this world without him. The only thing i can hope for is that i do something sometimes that i know would make him laugh, or smile, or be proud of me. To do something brave and exciting, that i would be too chicken shit to do if it weren't for him. So i celebrate today as the birth of the greatest man who ever lived.

If you knew you would die today would you change?

How bad, How good does it need to get? I've been feeling stagnant lately. Like i'm not living my life to it's full potential. I have a good education, a good job, a good man, a nice home....but i'm not content. I can't figure out why it's just not good enough. Will it always not be good enough...how do i know i'm not settling for this life? I'm 26, i have so many opportunities before me to do something amazing...but how? Where do i start? Do i throw everything away to start new, or is that stupid and irresponsible? I read old posts and see where i talk about how content i am...i'm the opposite of that now. I was content b/c everything in my life was new then...things are stable and comfortable now.. why does that seem so boring? I need to go to the gym......

Pathetic Fluker...just PATHETIC

i am so ashamed of myself....my last post was a lifetime ago...you've all missed so much...I sounded so happy the last time i wrote...young, naive, full of life....i've become an empty shell since then. Ok...so i'm being dramatic. I've decided there's something cathartic about spilling your guts to a computer screen and allowing anyone and everyone to read it.....my boyfriend thinks it's silly, he says i'm an exhibitionist egomaniac who has to share every detail of my life with the general public...and maybe he's right. Regardless it makes me feel better to write...and i like when people comment on my posts, you don't typically get that kind of commentary if you write in a little leather notebook and keep it to yourself. It reminds me of when i was in therapy and my therapist would make me write in a notebook all week, then at our session i would give it to her, and she would return it the following week with comments on everything i'd written. It's nice to get an objective opinion on your thoughts and ramblings. Anyways, i'm back, and i'm going to do better this time...

Hump day...and not the good kind

I swear i sit down to write a simple entry and the next thing you know i'm on this damn computer for a frickin hour. I sit in front of a computer all day at work, shouldn't that be enough. Work by the way, fricking awesome...I seriously never thought i'd be this happy with a job only 4 months out of school but here I am, lovin life. Contentment is something you shouldn't ever take lightly, it happens rarely, and only stays awhile and you should cherish every sweet peaceful moment you're granted. I'm doin the best i can. So my boss at work decide i should join this hoity toity social club here in Dallas called The Tower Club. It's basically like a country club except in a skyscraper. So him and I are now "Junior Executive Members"...Our initiation lunch is friday, i hope they don't make me do any weird shit. Can you picture it, me trying to be Junior and Executive like...I hope i don't slip and say something like, "so i was balls deep in this bitch" that could be bad...